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Thursday
May272010

worst AOE review ever?

so those of you that might say we only post good reviews of our bands feel free to stand corrected as you check out this particularly scathing review of the new ascent of everest LP. if you disagree maybe you should write Mr Sam Lee a comment on his review to the tune of "i think you have the musical pallet of high-schooler" or "maybe you should listen to the record all the way thru if you're going to write a review" or maybe even "if the arcade fire is the only band you can think to compare AOE to then you are clearly out of your element"

good old fashioned you're an asshole never hurt either, go nuts!

reposted from god is in the TV

The Ascent of Everest - From This Vantage (Shelsmusic)

by Sam Lee

I couldn't wait to listen to this album. The press release that came with claims that "As earthquakes and tsunamis crash and pound to reshape the landscape, so too will 'From This Vantage', as it sends you on an unforgettable journey and leaves you mesmerised." Now that sounded pretty impressive, I thought. So I eagerly rushed to put the sophomore album from Tennessee-based orchestral-rockers The Ascent Of Everest into my CD player. I pressed play and sat back down, trembling slightly, nervously awaiting the earth moving experience that was surely about to ensue. 

As the intro to the opening track 'Trapped Behind Silence'slowly faded in, I held my breath, just waiting for the song to kick into life. But after nearly three minutes of not much happening apart from my face gradually turning an unhealthy shade of blue, it faded back out again. Strange, I thought. But then 'Return To Us' crashed in with it's epicArcade Fire-esque strings and pounding beat. "Here we go!" I said to myself. But after showing a minute or so of promise, the song died back down again, and became just as dull as the previous track. And that's when it began to dawn on me; maybe the press release had been telling porkies. Maybe the whole landscape-reshaping, natural-disaster thing had been a bit of an exaggeration. 

My suspicions were confirmed by the third track 'Dark, Dark My Light' , as, although there's a hint of something that could perhaps be a good song underneath all of its slightly pretentious pizzicato strings and harpsichord, it doesn't really go anywhere. The next track is the soothing and more light-hearted 'Safely Caged In Bone', which is the highlight of the album, mainly because it's the only song that even comes close to making me feel any sort of real emotion. But then 'Sword and Shield', 'Every Fear' and 'In And Through' all merge together into a sort of drawn-out grey mush, and the eighth and final track 'From This Vantage' just drones by in a forgettable, uninteresting kind of way. 

Here's a bit of friendly advice to bands who use vocals sparsely in their songs (listen up, The Ascent Of Everest). If you're going to leave the vocals out, something else has to provide the melody and the hooks. You can't just ignore them altogether. Unfortunately, The Ascent Of Everest do exactly that for the majority of 'From This Vantage', meaning it becomes mere background music. I don't even mean like the good, ambient sort of background music; this is more like a peripheral annoyance, like the ticking of a clock, or the gentle rattle of a broken fridge. There are no real dynamics and very little movement throughout the entire thing, and as it's almost forty-five minutes long (despite only having eight tracks), this results in one very boring record. Whatever the press release says, this album won't be reshaping anything, and it won't leave you mesmerised - just a little put out that you've wasted three quarters of an hour listening to it, when you could have been fixing that pesky fridge. 

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    Excellent Site, Keep up the useful work. Thanks a ton.

Reader Comments (4)

At least the refrigerator noise he compared it to is "gentle".

Oh and insulting, dismissive reviews almost always= envy. Or this guy just can't wait to get back to his Sleigh Bells record.

May 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdillon

i think what he is trying to say that he is really upset his refrigerator is broken

May 27, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteraaaa

Hey, can we quote that dumbass in his comment below when he says our record is "rubbish"?
Oh, oh. Can we put something else cool like... "bollocks" or something else awesome?

But seriously I understand where the dude is coming from. Its like... you know.. you think something is gonna be awesome and sound like... really cool and shit... and like... ROCK you know... like... oth... LIKE OTHER BANDS YOU LISTEN TO!... but... it sounds not like that... you know?... its like.. got opera sounding shit on it... you know.... and like... you don't really like the type of music that it is... but like... you want to be able to write reviews for blogs and be important... so you like... listen to a little bit of it and then you go to make a sandwich to get you through this unbareable NOT LIKE ARCADE FIRE OR ANYTHING band... and then you realize YOURE FUCKING FRIDGE IS BROKE!... and so your hungry... you are thinking about the fridge... the sandwich that got away... you could have had mustard on it... maybe some awesome cheese... but no... its just making an annoying sound... lots of emotional shit... you know?... and you decide you just are going to GET a sandwich... but this record is only two songs in... and its like...stupid and the dudes all singing but you cant really hear what he is saying... and there are like NO guitars sometimes... and like... there is no way you could mosh or anything to it... so you just say this shit sucks and move on.... or try to... you just want to review the new arcade fire single PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE... cause you know.. .you actually like them... and so do other people... you dont have to go out on a limb and actually have an opinion... or like... admit that you dont like some types of music... but then people like read it and THEY have an opinion about it... and like.. you dont want to admit you didnt really listen to it.. so you say some real obscure sun tzu sounding shit like... music is something different to everyone... you like it... i think its rubbish (FUCKING GOLDMINE!!!!!!).... but we can coexist on this planet... you know what i mean right... its what i would do if I had to listen to sam and his little pals sit around and pat each other on the back while trying to sound whatever the fuck they like.

Its a lot easier to dismiss things. It requires no thought or work. I like being lazy. So do you. Everyone does. I cant blame someone for not wanting to put time into seeing where AoE goes. Its a band that requires patience. The songs are investments, some of them taking up one fourth of an hour or more. I like to think it pays off in the end. I know that it does for me. So... whatevs. Tell him to send the record to someone who wants it. I dont even have a copy currently so tell him to send it me.

On a related note: if i ever want to impress fucking middle schoolers who have no experience making music and the worst taste on the planet, will someone do me the courtesy of bashing my face against the ground until i am unconcious. its what good friends do.

June 3, 2010 | Registered Commenterkristoff

you guys totally forgot bout that melody and them hooks. back to the neon bible drawing board, dudes. sorry.

June 7, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjohn

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